It has been said that between 90% and 95% of communication is non-verbal. Some say only 7% is made up of actual words, the rest is attributed to tone of voice (38%) and body language (55%). However, these figures are usually attributed only to communication about personal feelings or attitudes, which kind of makes sense, as you’ll probably be more likely to open up if you are talking to a friend. But, the figures do give you a good idea of how much information is passed on in ways that you are often not aware of. This can help you to not only control your own body language, but identify what others may really mean when they talk to you, which can be useful in the work place.
And, body language is not that hard to learn and interpret – you can see it clearly when you watch people, you just have to know what it is you are looking for. But, a word of warning, body language is not a precise science. You cannot take a rule and apply it to every situation. You have to use your common sense too. For example, you are talking to a colleague who is standing with their arms crossed. What do you think? Are they being defensive? Are they uninterested or uncomfortable? Or do they simply feel cold? It’s clear that you’ll have to look at more than just the folded arms to establish what’s going on. More about that next week.
What is body language?
So what exactly do we mean when we refer to body language? Well, it’s everything you do, other than talking, that affects what you communication to people. That can include your:
- facial expressions – you can make faces and not even realise you are doing it. I do it all the time. I am often frowning when I feel fine and don’t realise until my partner asks me what I am scowling at! So, take a few minutes to think about what facial expressions you make when chatting to people and what faces they make at you.
- eye contact – this is one of those points that has people a little divided. Most say you should make direct eye contact with people when you are talking to them. And, mostly, this is correct. However, different cultures may find direct eye contact offensive, so best to check what’s accepted if you are not sure.
- posture and gestures – slouching with your hands stuffed in your pockets might be interpreted as a lack of interest. It would be better to stand up straight and have your hands held loosely in front of you. Moving our hands when we speak is normal. But, if you are in a business situation it may be better to keep it simple and small. By this I mean, no matter how enthusiastic you may be, try not to wave your hands around wildly. Keep hand gestures to a minimum, it looks more professional and confident
- head tilt and movement – what do you think when a dog cocks his head to one side when you are talking to him? Confusion would be a good bet. Well, it’s likely that a head tilt will convey the same meaning to the person you are talking to. And, if you say ‘no’ but nod ‘yes’, your true feelings will be out there for all to see.
- position in relation to the person you are talking to – standing so close to a person that they feel uncomfortable is not a good idea. Likewise, facing away from the person you are talking to or standing on the other side of the room will not go down well.
Okay, so that’s enough for this week. Think about what you’ve read above and try to see how much information you give away non-verbally. Next week, we’ll look at how you can learn to identify body language, the best body language to use in business situations and what role your tone of voice plays in communication.
