Here’s a little problem for you to think about. You work in an office and a colleague has just asked you to check a report they’ve produced before they hand it to the board of executives. He is obviously really pleased with what he’s produced, and you feel he’s expecting you to agree. However, when you read through the report you find it to be littered with errors, from using the wrong format to lack of proper research and, worst of all, it doesn’t actually answer the question it was created for.
When your colleague comes to ask you what you think, you tell him the truth in earshot of several others in the office. You say that you think it’s poorly written, poorly researched and really needs doing again. Now you see the reaction on his face – he’s clearly upset and embarrassed and you feel bad for hurting his feelings and humiliating him in front of the others. Later you hear that he’s requested a transfer so he can move away from you. You’re upset by this, but stand by what you said – you wanted to be honest and tell the truth about what you think. So, what should you have done? How could you have approached this without upsetting the other person?
Well, you could try using tact. When you work with others, no matter what you do, it’s essential that you use tact, especially if you need to tell them something unpleasant. If you don’t, you could end up in the situation described above, just for telling the truth. There is an old saying, ‘It’s not what you say, but how you say it that counts,’ and this is true. If you are tactful, even really upsetting things can be said in a positive and, more importantly, respectful way. So, how do you achieve this?
Choose the Right Time
Choosing the right time is super important. If we take the example above, it would have been a better idea to take him to one side, away from the others, to deliver the feedback, even if that means waiting for a more appropriate time. This way he’s not embarrassed in front of his work colleagues. Likewise if the matter that you need to discuss is one that’s upset you, it may be better to choose a different time to discuss it, so you have a chance to calm down. The last thing you want to do is react emotionally to the situation – it’ll only make it worse.
Think Before you Speak
This is good advice any time, but it’s especially useful for sensitive situations. How many times have you opened your mouth and said something, then regretted it straight away as it came out all wrong? If you’re anything like me, many times! So, think about what you want to say before you say it. Do this even if you are caught off guard with a question or request – just ask for a little time to respond if you need it. So what do you say? For example rather than saying ‘Your report was rubbish’, you should say something like, ‘It’s a good start, but I think it needs some work’. You can see how this is much more positive and will open up the conversation for you to advise on how improvements can be made. It also helps if you don’t start sentences with ‘you’, for example, ‘You need to do better’, as this can often make the other person feel defensive and, once this happens, you’ll find they become closed to your ideas and suggestions.
You can also use the compliment sandwich technique, which means you compliment your colleague on something, then advise on something that needs to be changed, then go back to complimenting on something good again.
Watch your Body Language
Be careful of what your body language says about what you are thinking. If you advise your colleague that you think the report is great, whilst shaking your head ‘no’, turning away and avoiding their gaze, it’s likely that they will realise that you are not being genuine and shut-down from that point. If you do this, you’re at risk of losing respect as people will soon start to realise that you are not honest in your feedback. They’ll probably ask someone else in the future.
Okay, that’ll do for now. Next week, we’ll look at some of the common situations you may come across where you might need to use tact.
Written By Shelley Bowers
