In this final blog on assertiveness we’ll look at how to communicate in an assertive way. There are a number of ways you can be assertive in the way you communicate – have a read through them all and choose a method that suits you or try them all and see which is most successful:
Ask for More Time
If you are caught off guard, you may say something that you later regret. For example, if your boss unexpectedly asks you to take on a project you may feel pushed into responding straight away with a positive response. However, if you really are not sure about whether you can cope with the extra work, it might be better to say something like:
‘Ann, you’ve surprised me a little with your request, I’ll get back to you with an answer in half an hour.’
This approach allows you to think carefully about your answer and only take on the work if you think you can do it. It’s also helpful to remember that it’s much easier to say no in the first place than to turn a ‘yes’ into a ‘no’ at a later date. Plus, it might reflect badly on you if you say you can cope and then realise that you can’t.
Use ‘I’ Statements and Use Strong Verbs
Your use of language can have a huge effect on how you are perceived by the person you are talking to. So, use statements, such as ‘I feel’, ‘I want’ or ‘I need’ to get your point across. For example, if you feel that extra help is needed to complete a project, but your boss expects you to complete the task alone, you could say:
‘I need help to complete this task by the deadline you’ve set.’
This way you’ve made your position clear. If they then insist that there’s no further help available, at least you’ve already warned them.
This also applies to people you might have to work alongside. If you are tasked with preparing a report and you are relying on others to provide you with information, you need to make certain that they are aware of the importance of getting the information to you within the time you specify, whilst also keeping their needs, wants and rights in mind. What I mean by this is, be careful that your assertiveness doesn’t spill over into aggressiveness. If the other person insists that it’s not possible to complete their half of the task by the date you’ve asked for, you’ll need to use some more of your skills to come up with a resolution. For example, you could say:
‘I understand that you have other work to complete, but this takes priority and needs to be completed before you move onto other tasks. Let’s sit down and work out a resolution that’s acceptable to us all.’
Say NO!
If you really feel that you are being taken advantage of or that it’s simply impossible to complete the work in the time you’ve been given, you must say no. If you feel you are still not being listened to, you can employ the broken record approach. This method employs the simple tactic of repetition. This is how you use it:
A colleague is going on holiday and they ask you to take on a task that needs to be completed before they leave. You know that it will not be possible to complete this new task as well as all your own work to a satisfactory standard, so you say that you think it will not be possible using a phrase like:
‘I can’t take on any further tasks right now.’
If that doesn’t work and they keep on asking you, simply repeat the same response. They may try to offer you something in return for your extra input, for example extra pay. Or they may ask you to do it as a personal favour to them. In this instance, repeat what you’ve already said, adding something along the lines of:
‘I value our friendship and we’ve had a great working relationship in the past, but I cannot take on any further work at the present time.’
And, don’t feel you have to apologise for saying no.
So, try out these strategies and see how they work for you. Do let us know if you have any stories to tell – we love to hear how our students are getting on.
Written By Shelley Bowers
