Most people fall into one of the three categories given above – assertive, aggressive or passive. A lot of people switch from one to another, depending on who they are talking to and what the situation is, but what we’re focussing on here is how you are with the people you work with. Do you even know which you are? If you don’t, think about how you’d react in the following situations:
• your boss has dumped a pile of work a meter high on your desk when you are just about to finish for your holidays
• a colleague expects you to complete the report they’ve been asked to do.
How would you deal with the situation? Would you:
1. React badly, get upset, openly accuse your colleague or boss of being terrible at their job and storm off?
2. Accept it and say nothing, but secretly you’re fuming and feel your colleague or boss are being unfair?
3. Stick up for yourself in a positive way, keeping the peace and a great working relationship with everyone?
I’m sure you can see that the best option here is number three. But how do you tread the fine line between assertive, aggressive and passive? A good place to start would be to look at definitions:
Assertiveness is based on balance – this means you are aware of your own rights, wants and needs and those of others too. However, being assertive means you may not get what you ask for.
Aggressiveness is based on winning – this is the opposite, you are only interested in your own needs, wants and rights and you have no thought for others and how they may feel. It also means that you usually take what you want without even asking.
Passiveness is based on giving in – this means you know your rights, wants and needs, but you are too timid to ask for them. This allows you to be bullied into doing things you don’t really want, or have the time, to do.
If you are already assertive, that’s great! But, what if you’re passive? Or, even worse, what if you’re aggressive? If you’re already assertive – well done! If you are either of the other two, don’t worry – assertiveness is a skill that can be learnt!
The Benefits of Being Assertive
Before we get into how to improve your assertiveness, let’s look at the benefits assertive people often experience:
Better problem solvers – being assertive empowers people to feel like they can solve any problem, they often do whatever it takes to resolve the situation.
Experience less stress – assertiveness is connected to a feeling of personal power. This stops people from feeling victimized or threatened when plans don’t work out as expected.
Get things done – assertive people are doers. They have the self-confidence to get things done.
‘Win-win’ – assertive people can see the value in both their colleagues’ and in their own point of view. This allows them to find common ground and work together much more quickly.
Respect – because assertive people use their self-confidence and empathy, rather than intimidation or bullying, to get things done they gain the respect of their colleagues who see them as fair leaders and want to work with them.
Sounds pretty good, right?
Okay, I think that’s enough to digest for this week. Have a think about whether you are assertive, aggressive or passive and next week we’ll move on to techniques that help you improve your assertiveness.
