Many of us struggle to find enough time to fit in everything we want and need to do: work, time with family, studies, friends… the list goes on and on.
A vital step in taking control of our lives is being able to deal with those people who impact on our time. We don’t live in a cocoon. We have bosses and colleagues at work. At home, we have other family members and friends. All of these people make demands upon our time. So, to gain more control over our time, to do what WE want to do, we need to manage how much of it we let others take from us.
We all like the word ‘yes’. It’s great when people do what we ask them to do; however, other people have a tendency to ask us to do things too. Saying yes to them has an effect on what we do with our time. So, why do we say yes to people?
Fear
People say yes because they fear what may happen if they said no. If your boss comes up to you and says: ”Can you produce a sales report in the next half an hour?” you may say yes because you worry about the consequences if you don’t. If a child asks you to take them to a party, does saying no make you feel that they will love you less because of it? Fear plays a huge role in how we answer a question.
It makes us feel good
Having other people say yes to our requests makes us feel good and, because we know what that feeling is like, we enjoy having the power to make other people feel the same. The feel-good factor!
Because we think we ought to
If you are responsible for doing the photocopying for your team, when someone asks you to do some photocopying, you’ll say yes because you think you ought to. Photocopying is part of your job, after all. The fact that you may be working on a higher priority job and another assistant might be able to do it instead, doesn’t enter your thought process. As far as you’re concerned, you’ve been asked and it is part of your job, so you ought to say yes.
Because we think it’s rude to say no
People who have been brought up to be polite, often feel that saying no is rude, and polite people don’t like upsetting others.
Because it makes us feel valued
If we always say yes, then people will come to us more frequently when they need something doing. People get a reputation for being helpful and this usually means they say yes frequently. They do this because they feel it makes them more valued because others rely upon them.
It’s the easy option
Saying yes offers us the easy way out. Say no to a child and you can expect a temper tantrum. Saying no to an adult can result in an argument or a nasty comment. Using the no word can often mean going into battle. If you are tired, stressed, or just want an easy day, squaring up for a fight isn’t what you want. The simplest and easiest way to avoid this is to say yes.
But you can’t say yes to everything!
Making the Yes/No Decision
Saying yes is not bad, but saying yes to everything is. To manage our time effectively, we need to understand when is the right time to say yes, and when we should be saying no. In the right circumstances, yes can be the right decision to take. However, in order to make that decision, you need to ask yourself some important questions. These will allow you to evaluate whether you should be saying yes or no on each occasion. So here they are:
What do I have to do?
If someone asks you to do something, they are delegating the task to you, so you need to be clear about what you are taking on. If it’s a task you’ve done before, you’ll already know how long it will take and how good a job you are capable of. If it is something you haven’t done before, then it will probably take longer than you think. Ask yourself whether you are in the mood to do it. When you’re stressed because of other impending deadlines, your brain is not as capable of learning and retaining new knowledge.
What’s the deadline?
When do you have to achieve this new task by? You may be working on an existing deadline, and your immediate answer when asked to take on more work, is to say no. However, if the deadline for this new task is way after the deadline for your current task, then you may have the time to do both and if you think you can meet the deadline for this extra task, then consider whether your immediate no response is the right one.
What will it cost?
This is not a financial question, but a time question. How much time is this going to cost you? A yes answer means saying no to someone else; so if you take this task on, what are you going to have to give up in order to do it? If you had nothing planned for this afternoon then you may not be losing out, but if you’d planned to meet up with friends, saying yes will cost you your time with your friends. Is that a price worth paying?
Do I REALLY want to do this?
If the task means that you’ll be able to do something that you’ve always wanted to do, then you will be motivated and interested whilst doing it. If the task doesn’t excite you, then you won’t be motivated and you could end up procrastinating, rather than doing the job. Motivation is often linked to what you can get out of the exercise. If the task offers you benefits of some kind, then you are more likely to be incentivised to say yes.
So, next time, someone asks you to do something for them, just think about this checklist and run through it before deciding whether to say yes or no. Remember, you usually don’t have to give them your decision immediately. And if you want additional information on being more assertive, and learning to use your time more efficiently, then check out our Effective Time Management Course.
Author: Diana Nadin
